A dot in a circle

Reflection. Photo by Baikong

It’s a bitterly cold and quiet day in Johannesburg. For two months of reflections and two months of dissatisfaction to my question, “Why I am Here?,” the hug of winter is a companion. And every day, as I feel the serenity and calmness inside my haven of privacy, I ask myself of same question.

My passion to humanitarian work ignites from being a witness to the situation of the vulnerable people when armed conflicts erupt and escalate, and when pandemic, epidemics, and diseases haunts those people who cannot afford even their food. When I see and hear about those people, I feel bad. I feel the adrenalin rush rising that we can do something to address the problem. And so, I started working restlessly from one place to another, either it’s a conflict and post-conflict setting, natural disaster inflicted areas and population, or health-related response.

I love what I do. It is a blessing that I have found my calling. I am happy about it that even in very little way, I am part of the global movement in saving and helping poor people’s lives. It is immeasurable most of the time, but when you hear somebody saying “you are a gift to these people” – it is a priceless possession.

But at some point, I start to ponder, “Why I am here?.” Why I am in South Africa right now lending my foreign soul to the region to speak about the plight of vulnerable people? Should I not be in Mindanao, in my homeland, where the chronic conflict haunts the lives of 300 thousands people?

It’s a tricky question. I want to reflect on it. Maybe, this is what I should pay for. But the fact that, thousands and millions of people who are living desperately in this part of the world more than what the 300 thousands people in Mindanao displaced is experiencing is one of the factors I should remain here. In Mindanao, international aid and presence have poured down their support from humanitarian to development services. Whilst here, the humanitarian space is becoming thinner and narrower.

Around 9 o’clock in the evening, at the downtown Johannesburg, groups of asylum seekers had started to sleep on the streets. These are the people who have suffered emotionally, physically, psychological, economically just by crossing the border to find protection. It is winter, and the weather drops at negative degrees. But they endure the battering coldness and harassment because they think that SA is their hope.

One youth had called me. “How are you? You o’right?” he asked smiling whilst he was covered by his thick fleece blanket and lying down on the street preparing for his sleep. I said “Yes, I am fine, and you?” Then he just smiled at me. I don’t know if I asked the right question. I know, he was trying to start a conversation with me whilst I am standing on the street feeling the freezing coldness that invaded my bones. Even if I can’t see his face due to poor ventilation at the street, I saw the cheerfulness through his bright eyes.

I didn’t know him. I didn’t know other people just like him. But being there to see how isolated they are in the society by having no shelter in this inhumane weather, no protection, no food, and no enough warm clothing is shattering. They have endured so much sacrifices and suffering, it is enough. They are the reason why I am here. They are just one of the reasons why we are here and there. I know that what I can do is just a dot compared to the circle of their needs, problems, and sufferings – but I want to start from that dot and spread it over their circle.

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